


In The Eyes of a Teenage Crystallized

by Supernaturalaholic12



Series: Matthew Has Emotions: The Series [3]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater, The Dreamer Trilogy - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Call Down the Hawk Spoilers, Dissociation, Gen, Other, fuck niall lynch, i'm talking about niall, minor character death referenced, this is a matthew centric fic, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26920828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernaturalaholic12/pseuds/Supernaturalaholic12
Summary: “Same thing as me,” Matthew said flatly.Declan didn’t say anything.Matthew didn’t look at Declan.“If I was Dad’s, I’d be asleep,” Matthew said. “So I must be one of Ronan’s.”---Matthew finds out he isn't real. He copes about as well as you'd expect.---That Chapter from Matthew's perspective.
Relationships: Declan Lynch & Matthew Lynch, Declan Lynch & Matthew Lynch & Ronan Lynch, Matthew Lynch & Ronan Lynch
Series: Matthew Has Emotions: The Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980977
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	In The Eyes of a Teenage Crystallized

“Same thing as me,” Matthew said flatly.

Declan didn’t say anything. Matthew didn’t look at Declan.

“If I was Dad’s, I’d be asleep,” Matthew said. “So I must be one of Ronan’s.”

Declan still didn’t say anything, and when Matthew finally, slowly, looked at him, he was looking back. In abject terror, muscles tight like he was fighting the urge to run.

They didn’t move for a few long moments. The dream creatures, minus Matthew and Chainsaw, stayed staring into the water. Chainsaw stared almost deathly ahead, limp in Declan’s hand. Matthew didn’t look away from Declan, whose mouth was opening slightly and then closing as if writing and then discarding the proper response.

Matthew looked down, before moving up and past Declan. He’d already forgotten Ronan’s birthday, there was no point in wasting it here. Here, where Ronan’s dream things congregated mindlessly to watch water.

It was a few minutes - or a few moments - after Matthew settled in the car that Declan joined him. It was a few minutes, or a few moments, later for the car to start and pull out.

-

Matthew wasn’t sure where they were going. In his defence, although he was staring out of the windshield, he was both stuck in and locked out of his own head. What was it his teacher had called it? - Dissociation. Matthew was pretty sure he was dissociating.

If he had to describe how it felt, he’d probably say his head was in two different places. That his soul - wait, did he have a soul? - was sitting in the same place, but leaning back. He was hyperaware of his body - his hands were interlocked in the lap, his legs were sitting parallel to each other with his feet planted on the car floor, his back straight against the seat, head pressed against the headrest - but if you asked him where he was or what he was doing, he couldn’t answer past the obvious. _(“Where are you?” I’m in the car. “What are you doing?” I’m sitting. “But where are you going?” What? “Who’s with you?” I don’t know.)_

-

Matthew didn’t know how long he sat there, staring mindlessly forward. Thinking took energy and hurt and made him feel like he was suffocating, so he didn’t. Any thoughts that popped up naturally fell out of his brain like water over a ducks' back, like he were under a frozen lake and the thoughts on the other side of the ice.

He did notice one thing, though - Declan kept glancing over at him as they drove. Like he was trying to figure out what to say, as if there was anything that could be said. As if there was a template for _sorry I lied to you about being real, forgive me?_ that wasn’t extremely insensitive. A flash of anger rose in Matthew’s chest, but that too turned to ice on the frozen lake. He shouldn’t’ve expected _Declan_ of all people to tell the truth, it seemed like he’d been lying for as long as either of them could remember.

Usually Matthew felt a pang of sympathy, or worry, when he thought that. But in his current state, it seemed to just fan his anger.

Even if Declan wasn’t going to tell him, Ronan could’ve. He’d prided himself on telling the truth for _years,_ since they were _kids,_ and Matthew refused to believe Ronan didn’t know.

By the time the car stopped - in front of a church, where they’d agreed to meet for Ronan’s birthday - Matthew was _angry_. The ice had melted - just a hole, enough for a fire that didn’t extinguish to fall into the ice - and there was a lump in Matthew’s throat, and it felt like his chest was on fire. Before Declan could say anything, Matthew had gotten out the car, closed the door behind him (with a force closer to Ronan’s than Matthew’s usual) and walked into the church.

-

Declan hadn’t followed him. Maybe he thought Matthew needed space, or maybe he didn’t know what to say. Either way, Matthew sat at the front of the church, staring out at his own feet with his hands on his neck. He’d calmed down, enough that he didn’t want to punch something, and now he just wanted to cry.

Steps reverberated through the church. Matthew didn’t look up to check who it was, but he guessed it was either Ronan or Declan.

“Hey kid,” Ronan said, dropping himself in the seat next to Matthew. He didn’t get a response, but the anger from before flared up again. There was a lump in his throat again.

Ronan ruffled Matthew’s hair, a movement no doubt meant to be soothing. Matthew closed his eyes before the tears threatening to fill them went through on their threat.

“Do you wanna talk or not?” Ronan asked. Matthew still didn’t respond, because he didn’t trust his voice not to shake.

Ronan leaned his shoulder against Matthew’s. Again, no doubt meant to be soothing. It wasn’t soothing, but it was grounding.

They were silent for a minute.

“What do you want me to say, little man?” Ronan asked again, probably because Matthew was being unresponsive.

Matthew opened his eyes, and gathered enough energy to speak. It was a lot more energy than he’d usually need.

“I don’t want-” His lungs felt ten sizes too small, and he needed a moment to breathe. “-to hear you say anything-” He was back in that frozen lake, and had to blink ice water out of his eyes. “-because now I know-” Water filled his lungs and he needed a breath of air. “-that you’re as big a liar as Declan.”

A pause. “Oh.”

Ronan sounded like he’d been slapped.

Ronan didn’t say anything else. He just sat back.

-

Matthew had learned a few things, about himself and his family.

Everyone in his family was a lie or a liar.

He was one of the lies, and the rest of the surviving Lynch family were liars.


End file.
